I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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