Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
