she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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