he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
