for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
