so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
