I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
