i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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