I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
