and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
