Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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