3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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