Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
