im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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