Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
