I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
