If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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