One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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