You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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