worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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