No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
