I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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