That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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