this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
