You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i was born a porn star she said
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
