And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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