cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
