In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
