I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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