when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
