Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
