Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
