i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
one might say we're banned from that church
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules