piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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