It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Randomize
