last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.