i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch