I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
