i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
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Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.