Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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