it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
