It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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