Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
