If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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