You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
