I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
