I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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