is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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