Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
