I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
