I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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