So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.