Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
of course. lets lasso hookers.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If its not for food we ain't going out.