4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.