Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
