I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no. you can't hotbox the world.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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