if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
