She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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