just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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