I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
