Redeem this text for a blowjob
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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