I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She told me I should be a condom model.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
