She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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