I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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