Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
