I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
