Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So squirting runs in the family.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
