You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
