Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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