Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize