PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize