I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
