Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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