Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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