how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
