She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
