ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
