careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
