In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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