I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
