Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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