obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize